She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My ass is underappreciated
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
