I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
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I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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