remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
