Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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