I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
