What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
