I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
