I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
