We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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