he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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