I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
