i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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