A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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