he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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