fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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