I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
