pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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