Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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