wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
