You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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