Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Oh god it's open bar.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
