So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
