Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
