Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
