I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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