the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
