we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Rumble strips road head = magical
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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