What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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