Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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