tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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