I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
