do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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