Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
