And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
