Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
