he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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