It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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