I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
