So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
