Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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