Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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