Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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