Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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