i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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