ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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