im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
