I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
