For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
we're so committed to being not committed
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
