mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
