Someone shit on the floor
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
