Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
