Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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