So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
