i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also, beer. Big fan.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
