Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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