DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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