I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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