You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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