An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
