I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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