I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
