cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
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Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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