Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if only i could text you this smell
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
