if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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