Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
