I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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