it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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