we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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