i already hear my dad disowning me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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