love makes seman taste better
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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